The Scotto Grotto (org)

What is it?: Allows your child to smelt iron just like Hello Kitty and friends.

Why it’s dangerous: Warning stickers correctly note that the Hello Kitty-smelted ore can reach temperatures up to 4,000 degrees, which can severely burn fingers. However, the stickers do little good when they burst into flame and melt within 4 seconds of startup. Also, do small-type warning stickers work on a product intended for ages “3 and up?”

The children we tested with also had trouble maintaining temperature stability and proper ore/impurity ratios. This will cause stress fractures in the finished iron if used in weight-bearing structures, such as bridges. The smelting process also produces a dense cloud of toxic smoke, which raised complaints from local zoning boards and the EPA. Our test group (ages 4-9) had difficulty negotiating the 500-page environmental impact studies and paying the $250,000.00 Excessive Contamination fines.

What you can do: Only use the Hello Kitty Iron Smelting Furnace in well-ventilated rooms, and in communities where EPA officials can be easily bribed by small children. Do not use child-smelted iron for heavy construction, unless as a last resort or in states where product liability laws are weak.