Flark! I am surrounded by outlanders…

Boat parade today. why I didn’t know about this until I was wandering, drifting like a tiny dust speck atop gust after gust of imported Quebecois, New Yorker, and whatever other ‘non-local’ folk happened to be mobbing my personal space. Made it easy to shop though… got all my cards mailed out, anyone who’d given me an addy is now officially in the postage system now.

I got my card from latraviata today, and it was *sweet*! Thanks, hon!

I ran across a reference to a possible “good side” (everything being relative) of the Dark Stalker archetype today. This is from a book called It’s an Old Pennsylvania Custom, copyright 1947.

“In the early days of Cumberland County there was a crack shot with a Kentucky rifle named Captain Jack, who was also variously known as the Black Hunter, the Black Rifle, the Wild Hunter of the Juniata, and the Black Hunter of the Forest…He was happy and carefree, until one evening he returned home to find his wife and children murdered by the Indians. From that moment, he forsook the ways of civilized man, lived in caves, and devoted himself to protecting families along the frontier. A family near Juniata was awakened one dark night by the report of a rifle. Jumping up they saw by the glimmering light of their chimney an Indian fall fatally hurt. The open door of their house disclosed the Wild Hunter.

“‘I saved your lives’, he cried, and then turned and was lost in the darkness.” (pages 102-103)

If the Chupacabra and Bigfoot got into a fight, who would win?

Bigfoot are reported to be 6.5 – 9 feet tall. Generally, Chupacabras are usually noted to be not much more than 4 feet tall. Bigfoot from the West Coast are known to be quiet, retiring, and eat some small mammals but mostly plant material. Chupacabras are reported to be aggressive, have spikes and sharp claws, and attack livestock with nasty intent. Who do you think might win?

The Cryptozoo

The rules according to Michael Peter

Former Solid Gold and Pure Platinum owner Michael Peter required strippers to read his employee handbook, How To Make Money. In it, Peter shared his wisdom and advice on how nude entertainers can extract the most cash from customers.

“A $5 fee for a three-minute dance represents an income of $100 per hour, $800 per day, $4,000 for a five-day week, $208,000 per year, putting you in the top 2 percent of earners in this country.”

“A personal dance is much like making love. There are three things to remember:
Sit down and introduce yourself. This is like foreplay and captures the guest’s undivided attention.
The dance is like the sexual act itself. It should be sensual and moving and leave the guest breathless.
Leaving the guest immediately following the dance is like rolling over and going to sleep. Stay for a few minutes, maybe smoke a cigarette, and let your guest enjoy the glow he will feel after your dance.”

“Shoes should be a minimum of 3 inches high. Open-toed sandals (at least 3 inches high) will require you to have your toenails manicured and polished. Your shoes should always look new, clean and polished.”

“Entertainers should shower daily, use an antiperspirant/deodorant and have clean-shaven legs and underarms. Entertainers should also keep breath spray or mints in their lockers.”

“When you are sitting with a guest, you should never ask personal questions like “Are you married?” or “What do you do for a living?” unless they volunteer the information. Don’t sit with one guest for more than three songs. If he is tipping you and buying dances, you may stay with one guest for up to, but not more than, five songs.”

Unspeakable acts:
1. Don’t talk about last night.
2. Don’t talk about company matters.
3. Don’t talk about other guests.
4. Don’t discuss politics, religion or racial subjects.
5. Don’t get personal.
6. Don’t get smart.
7. Avoid the appearance of giving orders to guests.
8. Don’t complain, gripe, rant or rave.
9. Don’t argue.
10. Don’t embarrass guests by correcting them.
11. Don’t talk about yourself

“Your personal life away from the club is your personal business. If you date somebody that works in the club, please do not be seen conducting long conversations with each other on a personal basis when you could be spending time with a guest.”

“Don’t ever make the mistake of dating a guest (someone you met at the club). It’s the professional entertainers who learn the value of saying “No” to guests, who make the most money and carry the most respect.”

“Entertainers should never count their money in front of guests, nor should the amount of your fees be discussed with anybody.”

“Selling any type of sexual favors to anyone is prohibited.”

“When you come off the stage and dress back into your floor clothes, go back into the lounge and look for each person that has tipped you. Start with the person that came from the furthest point in the lounge. Thank him again, introduce yourself, make some small talk and ask for a dance. Chances are, that if this person was interested enough to come out of his seat and tip you on stage, he will buy a dance.”

“You can have guests anchored with drinks (they purchased for the dancer) at several different tables in the lounge at the same time. Use this method with each guest who has purchased you a drink. None of the guests will know you are doing it with the others. Having a drink on the guest’s table makes it easier to get a dance from a guest who says no the first time you ask.”

I have seen *ALL* of these rules broken, at different times, employee handbook or no. (generally the hygiene rules were the most strictly enforced.)