Worked in the yard on 5th street today

Happy Summer solstice! Longest day of the year spent in the sun. image

It felt good. From 930 to late midday, I wielded a hand saw, pitch fork, rake, a tarp and my own two hands to clear away a couple of truck loads of assorted thorny brush to the dump south of town. The two vehicle caravan had me as the caboose and Larry picked up Chris and the front position, and I ultimately got to experience the use of a truck scale firsthand.

I liked the sense of accomplishment and utility that I got from putting in a solid day of work outside. I’m not sure if it was because I could see the environment actually change, or helping out Larry and working in pleasant silence, or just that we were outside in the sun and getting some exercise like a Neanderthal might do, if he were clearing land to plant crops or fashioning a really pathetic lean-to.

Also, I got lunch and a frosty in a waffle cone at Wendy’s afterwards. Soft serve chocolate ice cream is really good after a day of hot, dehydrating work. I suspect that I’ll be doing a lot more labor outside once Larry retires (a week from today!)

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coooode:

And that’s the most frustrating thing about depression. It isn’t always something you can fight back against with hope. It isn’t even something — it’s nothing. And you can’t combat nothing. You can’t fill it up. You can’t cover it. It’s just there, pulling the meaning out of everything. That being the case, all the hopeful, proactive solutions start to sound completely insane in contrast to the scope of the problem.

It would be like having a bunch of dead fish, but no one around you will acknowledge that the fish are dead. Instead, they offer to help you look for the fish or try to help you figure out why they disappeared. 
(x)

You know when you read something that’s so accurate that you don’t know how to words?
Yeah.