Campbell’s Bows Out. . . Many Lives Are Saved.

First off, Campbell’s, I hate you. You had it all going for you with your fancy-schmancy soups and all, but you just couldn’t leave well enough alone, could you? No, you had to go and put ramen noodles on the market. Well, I guess the consumers got the last word on this slap-in-the-face, didn’t they, you dopes. Yes, dear readers, Campbell’s ramen noodles have been discontinued. . . and no one even noticed. Let me give you a little rundown on why this ingenious marketing idea burned to the ground. . .

Right off, it is important to understand that every college kid, every bachelor, every single bachelorette on the face of this planet eats ramen noodles for one reason and one reason only: they are cheap as hell. You can buy FOUR packages of ramen noodles for under a buck, and whether you like the taste or not, you damn well learn to relish their merciful existence because when you have four dollars left for the rest of the week, ramen noodles quickly become the thin line between life and starvation. Campbell’s, for some odd reason, thought that people were buying the dehydrated slivers of starch and packets of colored salt because they just couldn’t get enough of that beefy, chickeny, “oriental” delicacy that seemed to be sweeping the nation. No, Campbell’s, we were broke!

So why am I so mad that they decided to partake in the thriving ramen industry? Because they charged about FIFTY CENTS a pack. That’s over TWICE what the regular ramens cost, which insults my intelligence and offends me as a consumer. Sure, the people at Campbell’s would like to have you believe that they charge more because they make “better” ramen noodles than the other companies, but anyone who has ever eaten a single ramen noodle can tell you that THEY ALL TASTE EXACTLY THE SAME! Even if they were better, we still wouldn’t buy them for one simple reason: you pay twice as much for half the product. People don’t buy ramen noodles for the quality of the product. . . they buy them so they don’t get hospitalized for malnutrition. Even if we had the extra fifty cents to “upgrade” or ramen quality, we wouldn’t spend it like that. . . we would simply climb to the next rung on the ladder of single-people food: macaroni and cheese.

Let’s face it, Campbell’s, when’s the last time any of your executives went to an expensive company dinner and ordered ramen noodles. . . on purpose? When was the last time one of your rich-ass friends invited you over for dinner and this happened:

“Bob, you ought to bring over the wife and kids for dinner tonight.”

“Sorry, Biff, I have lots of work this evening.”

“Are you sure? We’re breaking out the ramen noodles. . . ”

“Really? Is it someone’s birthday?”

What? That’s never happened to you? You know why? Because you aren’t poor. Do you want to know why other ramen companies are still thriving and you had to discontinue yours? This is why:
Because other companies tell it like it is. Smack Ramen. This stuff is “smack” for poor people. They don’t try to flower it up or make it look all gourmet. Sure, they tried to make it look a little too pretty on the package, but not only does theirs cost eighteen cents a package, they named their entire company “Smack”. Because if you have to rely on ramen noodles as your chief source of nutrition, you probably look like a junkie, and Smack sure as hell isn’t going to act like they don’t know. Thank you, Smack, for looking our handicap right in the face and not pretending like it doesn’t exist.

And Campbell’s I only have one thing left to say to you: “Hello. My name is Inigo Montoya. You killed my father. Prepare to die.”

Hannibal

“Hannibal” is the latest in a long series of novels from author Thomas Harris based on the popular 80’s television show “The A-Team.” Harris’ latest effort, as you may guess, revolves mostly around A-Team leader Hannibal Smith (played in the show by George Peppard).

The plot of “Hannibal” involves the A-Team being called in to save a small family’s farm, which is being threatened by a small army of Columbian drug dealers. The A-team must again use their ingenuity to defeat the army, and to save the family.

“Hannibal” is not Harris’ finest effort. Fans who are used to quality thrillers such as “B.A.’s Revenge” and “The Darkness of H.M. Murdoch’s Soul” will be a little let down by “Hannibal.” The plot is cliched, and even the running jokes seem tired. One sequence involving the A-Team trying to get B.A. Baracus (played by Mr. T in the show) onto a plane falls flat – we all know that B.A. is afraid of heights, and that the team will end up knocking him out to get him on board. However, that doesn’t stop Harris from devoting 175 pages to the scene.

There is plenty of action in “Hannibal,” but it still comes at the expense of chapter after chapter about Hannibal Smith’s childhood, and family life. Despite what Harris might think, this is not what A-Team fans read his novels for.

In the end, if you are a huge A-Team fan, and you have read all of Harris’ previous efforts, this one may be worth the hardback price. But if you are looking for a hard core page-turner, go elsewhere. “Hannibal” just doesn’t measure up.

wakey wakey, garden snakey.

Ugh. rough for me to shake off the snoozies today…

good comfy sleep last night. I didn’t want to get out of bed, but I figure sleeping in to 10 am is late enough….

I called up regarding everway, and no info as to if we’re getting together after all, maybe I’ll go see Nurse Betty with Dave later on today.

I am Jack’s need to be around other people.

Thank goodness newt is such a buddy… but, his verbal skills are lacking. I have a real need to talk/ discuss/ debate/ banter about some sorts of stuff.

fiddle-dee-dee.

Frabjous Day, Calloo, Callay!

::chortle::

A delightful day was had, indeed.

Got up at about 6am, showered and took a trip up coast about an hour to Jupiter (Juno Beach) where the swells were breaking at about chest to head level with Dave, Cathi, Derek and Luna the dog. (Juno is a dog beach, so it was cool) As the swells were so high, it was a little too rough for me to do any real surfing, but Dave and Derek did quite well, riding for a good 40-60 yards out there at times, cutting back and forth up to the pier. Cathi did a lot of boogie boarding, but the tide got to her, and she came back and rested after a very brief stay out there. I, on the other hand, remained on the shore, tossing the tennis ball and walking up and down the beach with Luna. Lots of really neat people out there, other dog walkers, girlfriends of the surfers out in the water, folks out getting tans. On the boardwalk area leading to the parking lot, I met a lovely family from Australia, and we talked about how spiffy each other’s accents were. The one guy did a good impersonation of a New Zealander, and a New Jersey brogue too. They laughed at my Paul Hogan ‘Guh-day Mite’ bit, and were very prod of the whole Olympic thing coming up. I got some color, especially on my legs, which rarely see daylight. It was kind of sharky out, some blacktips, saw one about 6 feet, so that was the end of that. End of beach day, about 2pm, finished with peanut butter & honey sammiches and watermelon chunks. So good. We drove home, and I took a nap for about an hour. What is it about a day in the sun that wears me out? The Nap was solid, and Newton nestled comfortably along my right side, head resting on my shoulder. I wish I’d had the cam on to capture him… so cute. I got up about an hour later, and gave Robby a ring,to see if he wanted to catch a flick, as we’d previously planned. We went to ‘The Art of War’ a surprisingly good action flick. Very full movie, no boring bits, and quite entertaining. We went to the 50’s diner for supper, I ate like a horse, drank about 3 or 4 liters of pop with my conch fritters. Yes the 50’s diner serves fountain drinks and conch fritters. is good. that was my opener for grilled cheese, and the pickle and even the slaw (which I rarely enjoy anywhere) was quite tasty.

Now settling down with a tape of the Jackie Chan Cartoon, (hopefully the schedule kept on target) I’m not expecting to enjoy it, but I’m going to give it 3 chances anyhow, as old Jackie is just a neato dude.

Tomorrow is the everway game, hopefully finishing up plot thread of field agent researching the source of a new trade commodity…. It’s getting a little old, and hard to develop the character for me. Trying hard not to be a sarcastic wise-ass guy, as the character is a driven, hard ass type. I broke character a few times last one there.

Welcome to my wall scrawls.