All posts by scottobear

Hot! Phew!

By the time I got to my apartment tonight I thanked my lucky stars for the endothermic properties of evaporating freon… Why do I need the blinking AC in January? Shouldn’t it still be nice and cool naturally?

Think about this for a second: in the nineteenth century, people had no air conditioning, dressed in heavy wool outfits, and believed that bathing was unhealthy. Try to imagine how long you’d have lasted at a crowded 4th of July picnic in 1899. Gah.

Pix got a Job!! I’m glad, as she goes to school, and being with out a source of loot is mighty stinky. in related news, dotgirl showed me this.. Metallica is so sue-crazy! eep. “Take that, pretty ladies in underwear!”

You have to know when to hold ’em, know when to fold ’em, know when to walk away, and know when to run. If you only know three out of four, you can’t really call yourself a gambler.

Is the universe infinite?

Heck, I don’t even know how far it is to the nearest good Mongolian bar-b-que.

Quotes regarding my current job, here.

“Go back?” he thought. “No good at all! Go Sideways? Impossible! Go forward? Only thing to do! On we go!”
– Smart hobbit, Bilbo Baggins, from the book named for his race.

Very appropriate.

Regarding what happened to my earlier entry, I think I came up with an explanation. A local burst of solar energy ionized, and angered the tiny pixies who live in my machine and caused them to stomp the nasty bits of data flat before posting it to LJ. it’s the only logical explanation.

Rebuilding from yesterday.

I stayed up too late last night, writing out some snail mail, being astounded at how atrocious my handwriting has become… those of you who’ve received holiday cards from me know what I’m talking about. My penmanship has never been award-winning, but it’s to the point where I actually feel a need to work at polishing it up some. I feel like such a weirdo, but I actually prefer to do my word processing on a machine, and then hand-write letters after the fact, once I have it the way I like it.

Still no word back from Analog… but that’s to be expected. I think I’m just going to try to forget about it until a acceptance or rejection letter arrives. I don’t like submitting stuff in paper format… it’s so wasteful. More magazines should consider e-mail or floppy for submissions, just to spare a couple of trees. here’s how they like it –

Manuscripts must be computer-printed or typed, double-spaced, on white paper, one side of the sheet only. Please avoid unusual or very small typefaces. Indent paragraphs but do not leave extra space between them. Please do not put manuscripts in binders or folders. We do not accept e-mail or fax submissions.

Author’s name and address should be on the first page of the manuscript. No material submitted can be returned or acknowledged unless accompanied by sufficient postage, stamped and addressed envelope (not a postcard), or stamped International Reply Coupons. No simultaneous submissions please.

Analog pays 6-8 cents per word for short stories up to 7,500 words, $450-600 for stories between 7,500 and 10,000 words, and 5-6 cents per word for longer material. We prefer lengths between 2,000 and 7,000 words for shorts, 10,000-20,000 words for novelettes, and 40,000-80,000 for serials. Fact articles are paid for at the rate of 6 cents per word.

Stuff I submitted was about 4,000 words, or approx $280 a story. Another reason I’ll never be a professional writer, I just can’t crank out enough to support myself in a way that I’d like… I have no idea how much I could get published, but if I assume ‘1 in 10’.. (a ratio I pulled from behind, of no value, but sounds good), I’d probably make enough to get by, comfortably. *ponders* Well, I’ll consider that dream more later.

1 Jim Henson’s Frankenstein The horror, the horror.
Brutalized muppet corpses make this tragic, wretched
figure fun for all ages. Children spend hours identifying
terrifying muppet body parts, or counting the days until
this bitter monstrosity rises up to kill its creator. Ages 3
and up.
XU 999-2919 A … 29.99

Raaaaaagh Fire!!

BEAUTIFUL (AND NOT-SO-BEAUTIFUL) WORDS

Wilfred Funk’s list of the most beautiful words in English: ASPHODEL, FAWN, DAWN, CHALICE, ANEMONE, TRANQUIL, HUSH, GOLDEN, HALCYON, CAMELLIA, BOBOLINK, THRUSH, CHIMES, MURMURING, LULLABY, LUMINOUS, DAMASK, CERULEAN, MELODY, MARIGOLD, JONQUIL, ORIOLE, TENDRIL, MYRRH, MIGNONETTE, GOSSAMER, ALYSSEUM, MIST, OLEANDER, AMARYLLIS, ROSEMARY. [Alysseum may be a misspelling of alyssum, but this is how the word appears in Paul Dickson’s Words.]

According to James Joyce, CUSPIDOR is the most beautiful word in English [Dickson].

In A Pilgrim at Tinker Creek (page 86), Annie Dillard writes: “My friend Rosanne Coggeshall, the poet, says that ‘sycamore’ is the most intrinsically beautiful word in English” [Sarah Gossett].

The ten worst-sounding words in English, according to a poll by the National Association of Teachers of Speech in August, 1946: CACOPHONY, CRUNCH, FLATULENT, GRIPE, JAZZ, PHLEGMATIC, PLUMP, PLUTOCRAT, SAP, and TREACHERY.

According to Willard R. Espy, the ten ugliest-sounding words in English, excluding indecent words, are FRUCTIFY, KUMQUAT, QUAHOG, CREPUSCULAR, KAKKAK, GARGOYLE, CACOPHONOUS, AASVOGEL, BROBDINGNAGIAN, JUKEBOX [The Book of Lists: The ’90s Edition].

VICTUALS (pronounced “viddles”) is the ugliest word in the language according to Harry Golden [Dickson].

NYNEX was deemed to be the worst name of any company in America by the publisher of Advertising Age [Dickson].

read it aloud. :)

The Tale of Custard the Dragon
by Ogden Nash

Belinda lived in a little white house,
With a little black kitten and a little gray mouse,
And a little yellow dog and a little red wagon,
And a realio, trulio, little pet dragon.

Now the name of the little black kitten was Ink,
And the little gray mouse, she called hum Blink,
And the little yellow dog was sharp as Mustard,
But the dragon was a coward, and she called him Custard.

Custard the dragon had big sharp teeth,
And spikes on top of him and scales underneath,
Mouth like a fireplace, chimney for a nose,
And realio, trulio daggers on his toes.

Belinda was as brave as a barrel full of bears,
And Ink and Blink chased lions down the stairs,
Mustard was as brave as a tiger in a rage,
But Custard cried for a nice safe cage.

Belinda tickled him, she tickled him unmerciful,
Ink, Blink and Mustard, they rudely called him Percival,
They all sat laughing in the little red wagon
At the realio, trulio, cowardly dragon.

Belinda giggled till she shook the house,
and Blink said Weeck! which is giggling for a mouse,
Ink and Mustard rudely asked his age,
When Custard cried for a nice safe cage.

Suddenly, suddenly they heard a nasty sound,
And Mustard growled, and they all looked around.
Meowch! cried Ink, and Ooh! cried Belinda,
For there was a pirate, climbing in the winda.

Pistol in his left hand, pistol in his right,
And he held in his teeth a cutlass bright,
His beard was black, one leg was wood;
It was clear that the pirate meant no good.

Belinda paled, and she cried Help! Help!
But Mustard fled with a terrified yelp,
Ink trickled down to the bottom of the household,
And little mouse Blink strategically mouseholed.

But up jumped Custard snorting like an engine,
Clashed his tail like irons in a dungeon,
With a clatter and a clank and a jangling squirm,
He went at the pirate like a robin at a worm.

The pirate gaped at Belinda’s dragon,
And gulped some grog from his pocket flagon,
He fired two bullets, but they didn’t hit,
And Custard gobbled him, every bit.

Belinda embraced him, Mustard licked him,
No one mourned for his pirate victim.
Ink and Blink in glee did gyrate
Around the dragon that ate the pirate.

But presently up spoke little dog Mustard,
I’d been twice as brave if I hadn’t been flustered.
And up spoke Ink and up spoke Blink,
We’d have been three times as brave, we think,
And Custard said, I quite agree
That everybody is braver than me.

Belinda still lives in her little white house,
With her little black kitten and her little gray mouse,
And her little yellow dog and her little red wagon,
And her realio, trulio little pet dragon.

Belinda is as brave as a barrel full of bears,
And Ink and Blink chase lions down the stairs,
Mustard is as brave as a tiger in a rage,
But Custard keeps crying for a nice safe cage.