Who’s that repelling down the side of the evil villain’s secret lair?
Who’s that over there with the countess sipping sherry with such understated flair?

He’s cooking when he’s behind the wheel of the Mr. Potato Head-Mobile
When he goes out for a ride (he changes into some other guy)
Everybody waits for him to arrive (we’re all waiting)
He’s going straight ahead then suddenly he turns into a drive

Mr. Potato Head super secret spy
Cowboy secret space detective super private eye
He puts on a disguise and then
He could be anyone of a dozen other potato-headed men
He’s not really out of control

He’s just a man (he’s not even really a man)
Okay true but he’s doing the best that he can
All he wants is what anybody wants
Just a simple life with his loving wife
But it’s hard to give his family a home
When he’s always battling Hugo

Who’s that hiding in enormous vases?
Who’s that kid with corn stuck in his braces?
Who’s all genders, creed, and races?
Hugo, Man of a Thousand Faces!

Who’s been schooled in all the social graces?
Who’s that parked in all the handicapped spaces?
Who can draw anything as long as he traces?
Hugo, Man of a Thousand Faces!

It had to happen someday
He’s the natural enemy
They both knew this was the way
Of our heroic Mr. P
They’d trained for this their whole lives
There can only be one master of disguise
They hugged their kids and kissed their wives
So one will live the other dies

Hugo pulls out a knife
(Mr. Potato Head narrows his eyes)
He says, “I’m gonna cut you down to size into french fries”
Mr. Potato Head just grins and says, “Well, go ahead and try!”

Hugo pulls out his Tater Grater
He says, “Prepare to meet your creator, tater”
Mr. Potato Head whips out his detonator
He says, “This is the last time you will try
To rule the world you evil guy
You know I’m not afraid to die”
And then lets the Spud Missile fly

There’s silence as the smoke clears
It looks like this could be the end
A pile of noses and ears
Of our carbohydrate-laden friend
In a gigantic crater
He stopped his mortal enemy
Lies our beloved tater
Now he’ll forever rest in peas