The Scotto Grotto (org)

Scottovia News:

First dismissal because none of them sounded acceptable.

The Issue
Several major city streets were clogged with bicycles this morning, as the environmental group ‘Two Wheels Good, Four Wheels Bad’ staged a protest. Several hundred riders ambled through downtown streets, blissfully ignoring the torrent of abuse hurled at them by thousands of motorists running late for work.

The Debate
“People are sick of dirty, smelly automobiles,” said protest organizer Sue-Ann Jefferson. “They’re choking the city, the environment–our lives! Cars must be banned!”

“The only thing people are sick of is long-haired idiots riding their bicycles at two miles an hour on major thoroughfares,” says committed motorist Fleur du Pont. “People shouldn’t be able to protest like this. The government needs to crack down on them.”

The Automotive Manufacturers Association, meanwhile, has called for government support. “It’s clear that we need to boost the level of automobile support in this country. This protest this morning is a clear indication of… um… anyway, we need more government funds.”

The Government Position:
The government is preparing to dismiss this issue.