Washington, FA wire – Under heavy lobbying from the Recording Industry Association of America, the U.S. Copyright Office decided to force internet radio stations to pay a 70 cent royalty per song. That figure is exactly 70 cents more than what traditional radio stations pay per song.

“It great victory for us,” said RIAA spokesman Thog, son of Og, in a press conference. “Strange machine make noise, sing our music, steal our souls! Strange box bad – powerful magic. But we smash! Smash!” To illustrate his point, Mr. Thog then produced a large wooden club and proceeded to pound a Compaq Presario repeatedly until it was little more than rubble.

“Thog right,” said RIAA president Grop, son of Muk, when reached at his cave later that day. “Funny box not like radio. Funny box evil! We smash! We win!” An elated Mr. Grop and the RIAA board of directors then held a fireside celebration that featured whooping, drumming, the sacrifice of a bison to the gods, and a performance by Metallica.