An interesting tidbit from the Cruel Site of the Day – The resume of Elizabeth Brady Cabot Winslow.
Maybe I ought to let her introduce herself. This is the opening of her resume:
ELIZABETH (LIZ, LISA) BRADY CABOT WINSLOW, A PRODIGY IN MANY FIELDS Perhaps I rank historically among the 50 or 100 most intelligent and talented peoplein the most fields ever. More high abilities in more different fields than anyone in last 50 years. Fair, beautiful face and figure, blond, brunette, redhead, green eyes, 5’8″, American
100’S OF MILLIONS OF DOLLARS OF SALES OF NEW PRODUCTS BASED DIRECTLY EITHER ON MY ACTIVITIES, WRITINGS, OR TALK OTHERS ILLEGALLY OR COVERTLY OBSERVED OR LISTENED TO OR ON MY WRITINGS OTHERS ILLEGALLY OBTAINED OR READ.
That paragraph starting with “100’S OF MILLIONS” is bolded and in a very large font size. The rest of the resume doesn’t have Inappropriate Capitalization or exclamation points!!!!!, but otherwise it is distinguished from mimeographed street jeremiads only by proper spelling and punctuation.
It is certainly the longest resume I’ve ever seen. Part of this is due to her inclusion of:
“CRIME AND MALICE VS ELIZABETH “LIZ” BRADY CABOT WINSLOW” Pre 10/82″
Followed by pages of detailed descriptions of all the crooked and malignant plots to steal her ideas, withhold credit and pretty much deprive her of her just rewards.
“Names of Malicious and Criminal Before 1982”
Ah, she names names. About a page of them.
“The new technology was already creating dangerous crooked meddlers in Washington, DC, area in 1982 when crooked meddlers with PCÂ’s in their homes, university computer staff, and others were doing strange illegal things with the phone networking. ; 1982 in No. Virginia I was set me up deliberately with physical assaults including with deadly weapons, small boulders thrown at my head by someone (probably set up by Knappens or Gary Lynn Jordan). In 1982 when I was living in an apartment in Arlington, VA, a roommate set up a crooked racket on my phone ; I had to go to court as a consequence; I threw him out; I won in court; but I think that someone else I knew had a hand in setting up the phone rackets.”
That’s only the opening paragraph of this section. It goes on for pages.
“After 10/82 – return to NYC- Names of Criminals”
For a page or so.
In case any of those crooked meddlers and their rackets have come up with new villainy.
Fascinating stuff. Most people wouldn’t think of listing all the crimes against them in a resume.
Here’s the last line of the “Job Search” section:
“In addition, the people who considered me for jobs did not ask important questions and did not do adequate fact checking when considering me for employment. I mean, what is going on? It appears that the public and employers deliberately refuse to hire me because they do not want me to have any money and want to steal all my possessions and to force themselves on me and that they want me to be defenseless and they want to put me through the hoops and through their contrived illegal often situations in order to pick my mind for free.”
Dang, and I thought *I* was the only one. Note that she is typing away so madly that she didn’t spot the typo “contrived illegal often situations.”
And this is the last line of the “Employment” section:
“Crooks illegally tapped my residence and office phones and illegally cut off my mail and had concealed surveillance in my apartment and illegally read my private non-published material in my apartment and stole and plagiarized and assaulted, tailed, poisoned, and plagued me 1982 on in New York City.”
I found myself asking “what if” throughout. What if she really did have an IQ of 180 and was as brilliant and creative as she thinks she is? What if this mania really is the result of a lifetime of having original ideas ripped-off? Think of “A Beautiful Mind” without tenure or a support system.
Of course, my biggest question is: who would look at this resume and think they have found what they are looking for? What if she is presentable in person (she is in the Screen Actors Guild) and only reveals herself when let loose at a keyboard? Wouldn’t she make a great addition to a think tank?
Then again, imagine that she really is as brilliant and creative as she thinks she is and comes from the sort of background her name implies. Doting brilliant upper crust parents and all the finest educational opportunities. Then years of being systematically ripped-off by unseen forces until she is a raving loony. It’s like the making of a Lord of The Fate. Heh. She does want to go back to New York.
“Fair, beautiful face and figure, blond, brunette, redhead, green eyes, 5’8″, American.” Hmmmm. I wonder when to expect her picture and profile on a matchmaking website? Geniuses only, commoners need not apply. I can’t wait to see a blonde brunette redhead with green eyes.