The Scotto Grotto (org)

The only article I found that satisfied my insatiable need for constant news today was this one off of SFGate: Please Lick This iMac — Yet another utterly annoying, nearly perfect gizmo gem from those shameless bastards at Apple.

However, I do not want one. Not immediately. Not ever. It looks like a hat.

The first time I saw a picture of the new iMac, I thought it was a desk lamp. I am yet unconvinced that it is anything other than a glorified desk weight.

I see no need for yet another piece of crass consumer garbage. Give me something with 1024 processors and a library that allows me to assign processes to each one by hand. Dammit, I know what a computer should look like — it should look like a small, squat, black building with one evil red blinking eye. It should loom. It should strike mortal terror into small children.

And it should run so fast it needs to be supercooled by left-over pieces of the universe, not match with a handbag and a pair of earrings. It should heat my home just idling. It should use BJT transistors in the floating point unit just because it can. Hell, screw clocking and latches, we’re going timed by clock skew and dipped in pure freon! Screw this happy little G4 garbage. Give me speed and power! Screw your dinky little consumer chips! Give me a real machine!

A computer should be a device, not an accessory. It’s a machine, not a fashion statement. It’s a tool, and with this tool you create data and media. The next step up should be bigger, cooler, and more powerful, not some dumbed down piece of trash.

I hate computers.