Evil News!

Adding Zing To Your Bosses Pop
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A 23-year-old man was being held in Kenosha County Jail Tuesday morning, accused of urinating into his supervisor’s Mountain Dew bottle.
Authorities said that the supervisor filed a complaint after opening the bottle and noticing that the soft drink did not taste right. A store worker informed him that he heard someone urinated in the soda.

Fatty Nose Eating Attack
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A man’s nose was bitten off during an early-morning brawl last weekend outside a Flandreau bar.
The nose was located and put on ice by Flandreau police officers. The victim and the nose were taken to the hospital for reattachment.

Scientist Test Destroying World With New Technology
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A powder touted as a potential way to weaken hurricanes sucked the moisture out of a thunderstorm Thursday in its latest test.
An airplane dropped $40,000 worth of the Dyn-O-Gel granules into a cloud 10 miles offshore. A television station’s weather radar confirmed the cloud then lost
moisture.
“The people in the tower visually confirmed that there was a tall buildup and the next moment it was gone,” said Kevin Sullivan, control tower supervisor at
the Palm Beach International Airport.

Spammobile On The Road
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Pork shoulders and ham parts. It’s Spam, and fans consumed more than 1 billion cans of it last year. That information–plus free Spamburgers–were doled out
at Beloit’s Hormel plant on Tuesday as part of the first local appearance of the Spammobile.
“We’ve been to a lot of different events, including Ozz Fest.”

Did I Fail The Test?
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A teen crashed into six cars Wednesday as she completed the final manoeuvre of her driving test: Parking.

Its Okay To Video Tape Pooping and Not Scooping
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A jury Wednesday sided with a 50-year-old botanist who videotapes dog owners who ignore leash laws and their own dogs’ poop.
A three-man, three-woman County Court panel took 15 minutes to acquit Patrick Murphy of misdemeanor harassment. Murphy sighed deeply after hearing the verdict and later said he’d change some of his methods of tracking scofflaw dog owners.

Teen Gang Attacked By Otters
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River otters attacked a 17-year-old houseboat vacationer, biting her and puncturing her skin more than 30 times, officials said. The severity of the assault by five otters was “unprecedented,” wildlife officials said, though three other minor incidents involving the furry water lovers have been reported at the lake in the last month.

This Hardware Store Sells Golden Showerheads
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A Windsor man has been charged with public indecency after being caught on a security tape urinating on another customer inside a home improvement store, police said…
The guard then saw Harris walk up behind another customer and urinate on the back of the man’s pants, police said.
Harris then proceeded to walk away from the customer, but then returned and urinated on the man two more times, police said.

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