Daily Archives: September 21, 2000

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fall guy. I blame lique for this.

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This is the story of one of America’s great unsung heroes. I mean you’ve seen him, but you never knew who he was, you’ve cheered for him and cried for him, women have wanted to die for him, did he ever get any credit? Or the girl? No! He was what we call a Stuntman. And the reason I’m talking so fondly about him is, well because it’s me. Colt Seavers. Anyway Picture work isn’t wall to wall employment, so maybe you wonder how a guy keeps his head together? Well one way is to wait by the phone. And wait and wait. The other is to take an occasional job for the court system of the United States of America, where a man is considered innocent until proving guilty. Unfortunately sometimes a lot of these people get out of jail on what we call bail, and run like hell. That’s where I come in. I sometimes pick up rent money trying to find them and bring them back to justice.

*sing it with me, people!*

Well I’m Not The Kind To Kiss And Tell,
But I’ve Been Seen With Farrah,
I’ve Never Been With Anything Less Than A Nine,
So Fine,
I’ve Been On Fire With Sally Field,
Gone Fast With A Girl Name Bo,
But Somehow They Just Don’t End Up As Mine,
It’s A Death Defying Live I Lead,
I Take My Chances,
I Die For Living In The Movies And TV,
But The Hardest Thing I Ever Do Is Watch My Leading Ladies,
Kiss Some other Guy While I’m Bandaging My Knee,
I Might Fall From A Tall Building,
I Might Roll A Brand New Car,
Cause I’m The Unknown Stuntman That Made Redford Such A Star

…I’ve Never Spent Much Time In School,
But I’ve Taught Ladies Plenty,
It’s True I Hire My Body Out For Pay,
Hey Hey,
I’ve Gotten Burned Over Cheryl Tiegs,
Blown Up For Raquel Welch,
But When I Wind Up In The Hay,
It’s Only Hay,
Hey Hey,
I Might Jump An Open Drawbridge,
Or Tarzan From A Vine,
Cause I’m The Unknown Stuntman That Makes Eastwood Look So Fine

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Back from a walk to the beach.

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I’d like to be under the sea
In an octopus’ garden in the shade
He’d let us in, knows where we’ve been
In his octopus’ garden in the shade

I’d ask my friends to come and see
An octopus’ garden with me
I’d like to be under the sea
In an octopus’ garden in the shade

We would be warm below the storm
In our little hideaway beneath the waves
Resting our head on the sea bed
In an octopus’ garden near a cave

We would sing and dance around
Because we know we can’t be found
I’d like to be under the sea
In an octopus’ garden in the shade

We would shout and swim about
The coral that lies beneath the waves
Lies beneath the ocean waves
Oh what joy for every girl and boy
Knowing they’re happy and they’re safe
Happy and they’re safe

We would be so happy you and me
No one there to tell us what to do
I’d like to be under the sea
In an octopus’ garden with you
In an octopus’ garden with you
In an octopus’ garden with you

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lunch!

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watched a 1/2 hour of mst3k for lunch… and now this is stuck in my head… not that I mind.

it was a mike episode, and I didn’t care. 🙂

TOM: Say fellas, there sure is a lotta skin in this movie, i’n’t there?

MIKE: There sure is!

CROW: Yet despite all the acres of flesh in this film, I just can’t come up with a word that describes it.

TOM: Well I can!

MIKE: You can?

TOM: Why sure. [starts singing]

It’s breastakaboobical, chestakamammical,
Pendular globular fun!

MIKE: Fleshical-orbital moundular-scoopular?

TOM: Right-o, that’s the one!

CROW: Is it gluteal maximal, tushital-crackular
Bunular morning ’till night?

TOM: Well, you’re absotiglandular, fanny-fantastical,
Mastokafleshular right!

ALL: It’s an arealogical, autoerotical, toobular boobular joy,
An exposular-regional, batchical-pouchular fun for girl and boy.
A latissimal-dorsical, hung-like-a-horsical, calipyligical ball,

CROW: The most bunular-funular,

MIKE: Fruit-of-the-loomular,

CROW: Frenchical-tongular,

TOM: Wabitaboobular,

MIKE & CROW: [slowly while Tom sings next lines]

Movie of them all!

TOM: Pendular-funular, fruit-of-the-loomular,
Frenchical-tongular, wabitaboobular,
Chestaka-orbital, smorgastiboobular,
Tushita-ticular ball!

ALL: Hey!

[Gypsy enters]

GYPSY: Hey guys, how’s the movie?

ALL: [singing again]

Oh, it’s breastakaboobical, chestakamammical,
Pendular globular —

MIKE: Oh, man, we got movie sign!

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The purple throat potion.

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Settle in the crucible both the breath of the iron snake (being taken from him when his aspect is fire) and the Dust of Soft Elixirs, then adding the SWEET crystals (those of the first of the Five Elements) and blending until their aspects become one. To this mixture must be added two and three and five measures of the Water Stone, and (to the brim of the crucible) summon again the service of the serpent, from his aspect of biting wind. Thus is perfect the potion made, and it will satisfy the formula.

Alchemy is not, as the less benevolent factions of our Conspiracy want you to believe, the quest to turn lead into gold. Rather, the transformation of base metal into noble metal is allegorical. Alchemy and Gnosis are the same thing; the goal of the alchemist is to transform HIMSELF from base humanity into something in contact with the Gods, into a more perfect being, Illuminated, comprehending the nature of himself, both profane and divine. The formula above is one step, not towards Illumination, but towards the powerful channeling of the tension that binds us and make us less like Gods and more like Richard Nixon. In addition, the formula provides a kick in the pants to the bloodstream, followed shortly thereafter by deeper relaxation. It can also be used as an aphrodisiac, though it only works on potential lovers who are already close to Gnosis themselves. In so doing, both of you will come closer to the Goddess. The Purple Sage and the Purple Throat Potion were not named for one another, despite popular rumor. The Sage did, however, have a fondness for its effects.

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Freedom.

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Went to Suzy’s hearing today, and it started off bad… but the end results were good… she’s going home today, with a reinstatement of her probation. Did she learn anything from this? Nope, I don’t think so. I, however, learned that our court systems are incredibly lenient, and that odds are good that the innocent are very unlikely to be crimed for things they did not commit…. as are criminals who did do something, you really have to be able to prove that the bad guy did something. I’m not saying all of our laws are good, or even valid… but if you break the law, someone has to try very hard to get you in trouble for it. (apparently there are a lot of people trying very hard, though… look at our prisons!)

Anyhow. Suzy free (as free as probation, anyhow.)

no more collect calls from jail, or taking messages for her friends. (so called…. they wouldn’t even visit.)

I’m guessing she should be back in a cab, driving, by next Monday.

As for myself, I suppose going to the DMV, getting a new photo ID was a good thing… I can now not get bothered when cashing my check, and so on.

Talked to the brother last night. Going with him to a new gym on Sunday.. I’ll be ready for some serious working out, now that he’s joining me. I look forward to being stronger, healthier, and looking a little better than I’ve been lately.

Yipes