Apr 7, 2000

Well today has brought to me a few different things, some happy, some not so much so. It’s come to my attention just a few moments ago that a friend of mine, H, is upset with me because of some things I’ve supposedly said. I’m at a bit of a loss. I have no idea what I might’ve said that got back to her… but I do know that I can be rather critical in my opinions of folks. That, and the particular circle of friends is not the best at maintaining communications. I think it might have been something regarding my lack of faith in her current budding relationship with another member of the gang. (for what it’s worth, I hope that they get some happiness out of it, but my feelings are that the thing isn’t grounded in the right sort of commonality. 2 very different people, different sorts of intelligence, different kinds of thinking. my suspicion is a desire for more physical comfort than spiritual/emotional. but what the hell do I know?) The thing of it is, I view everyone, including H as friends, and pretty good ones at that. downside, is that I think that H and R are both still functioning a little bit on the high school level of social interaction. I feel B has some minor insecurities, but he seems to bluster past them with big talk, which is fine too. A is a bit of a mess right now, but he’s got a lot going on there, so hopefully he’ll get it together. (months ago, I suggested he see a doctor about it, but he wasn’t into the idea.) R, Hu, and K seem to be pretty smooth-sailing, for which I am grateful. I’d really like to find a way to keep everyone on the same plane of information, but I don’t think it’s possible, and without that, I think misinterpretation is going to keep happening, and folks are going to start getting more and more anxious. With the current switch around of the whole crew, and my time being more and more filled with outside activities, it might be for the best if I just gave this particular group a rest for a while. (not toss ’em as friends, I do like and respect them… but if this sort of nonsense keeps up, I’m going to have to do something more serious, because I’m tired of feeling like I hurt someone’s feelings, or insulted them, but they don’t want to give specifics. I can’t defend against ghosts. I know how hard it can be, I’ve gotten a ‘meanie’ vibe from folks before, H included. Unforunately, my reaction might toss that vibe right back at folks, and I don’t want to do that. I want to be the big, fuzzy, nice guy who knows a lot of trivia and gets along with everyone. Maybe that’s too much to ask for.